Before you freak out, my title is straight outta Luke 8. That's right-crazy sea knocking a tiny boat around full of scared disciples and a sleeping Jesus. There fear was REAL. Their fear was "rational." Their fear consumed them to the point that they TOLD Jesus the outcome. They didn't ask for help. They didn't tell Him "we might die!" They said, flat out, "Master, Master, we are going to drown!"
In their minds: Jesus, do you care? How the hell can He sleep in this storm? We're going to die, inform Him of the situation.
And the past few weeks, I think I've been in a storm, a war on all fronts (sorry to switch imagery). Seriously though, I've felt overwhelmed by my job. My boss is constantly adding more to my plate (much of it last minute). My internship has been quite exhausting at times. My relationship with Brendan has been full of conflict. I have been lacking community or not taking advantage of the community I do have. More or less, I've been feeling the whipping of the wind, the lashing of the waves, and fearing my boat [life] would capsize.
I've recently been hit by a few truths about God, encouraged in many ways. I will try to sum up.
When feeling like I have no purpose at CSULB, I am reminded that Chapter Planting, as Eddy and Sarah would say, is NOT sexy. It is, however, God's work and desire. So when I'm running errands, cooking for 20, driving people all over, spending days on campus when no one shows up, sitting in on things I'm not directly "leading," playing awkward games or forcing awkward conversations, Jesus is all the while using me to gather, to serve, to model hospitality, to listen to the deeper heart cries underneath the casual conversation, to build trust, to spread joy, to build community, to help students forget about their current stress, to interpret for students what God is doing in their lives, to let students get to know me, to LOVE students despite my own brokenness.
When feeling like work is too much, I am reminded that I have the opportunity to share the love of Christ with an adorable little girl. I can encourage her and support her, I can teach her and coach her, I can share about my faith and listen as she talks about hers. I get to LOVE her, despite my own brokenness.
And when I feel like I have failed Brendan or he has failed me, I am reminded of God's good promise to me/us before we started dating: "You and Brendan will be good for one another." So when we fight over stupid things, when we are stuck in bad patterns, when we are selfish, when we are tired and unable to love well, when we are grumpy, when we hold on to bitterness, when we suck at life...Jesus shows me that He has a plan for us, He shows me the ways we have encouraged one another and built each other up. He shows us that we are more than our faults and failures. He shows me that I can, indeed, LOVE despite my own brokenness.
More than loving through brokenness, Luke 8 taught me that Jesus doesn't always put us in situations to work on our character (yes, He deeply wants to transform us.) Sometimes, He transforms us through circumstances, but sometimes He changes our circumstances so that we trust Him and ask Him to transform us.
So while I know God is doing much IN me, here is my prayer:
- That interning would not be so exhausting and overwhelming, that it would get easier and that God would bring 20 students to fall con.
- That work would not be so stressful, but my boss would be on top of things and realize how much she has been asking of me.
- That Brendan and I would break through our bad habits, but also, that we would just have more joy overall.
My Jesus cares about my heart and my character, and it has taken me a looong time to realize this truth. But what I have lost/forgotten along the way is that my Jesus ALSO cares about my circumstances and He has the power and the compassion to change them!
Showing posts with label Intern. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Intern. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Intern Trek 2011!
Hey everyone,
I was away for 10 days, 9 nights, on the InterVarsity Intern Trek. It was AMAZING (to say the least).
We spent part of the trip in Albuquerque, NM and part in Flagstaff, AZ. We did spiritual formation in the morning, which was focused on our relationship with God. We talked about Christ's invitation to abide with him, to "come and see"; about getting in the reflexive habit of confession and repentance; about becoming "Nathans" to our students, which includes speaking truth even when it may destroy our image; forming habits of gratitude in the midst of suffering; God's calling on our lives, and that we can rejoice over our gifts and abilities by giving glory to God; finally, we talked about spiritual authority--authority that comes directly from God through our intimate relationship with Him.
The time in NM we were trained by Doug Schaupp (author of Being White and I Once Was Lost) in evangelism. He was also in my van (we stayed in homes of people from the church, so Doug helped drop us off/ pick us up every night). On top of his AMAZING training in evangelism, he has an amazing story of how he became a writer and how he has grown in racial reconciliation and chapter development. It was so fun to get to know him and my lovely van mates better. They even took me out for my bday :D The Outreach event on UNM's campus was my first ever experience with contact evangelism. And, although I didn't lead anyone to Christ, I shared the gospel boldly and saw God answer my prayers IMMEDIATELY! (Hey Mark, how you doin'?! haha). Anyway, it was AMAZING! And over 10 people came to Christ that day, including a group of young kids led to faith by none other than Tom Allen (woot Van-Dad! He drove me and another intern from Riverside to New Mexico. We got to know our boss's boss's boss pretty well... haha).
In AZ we focused more specifically on our time of transition and cross-cultural relationships. The things on multi-ethnicity weren't anything I have not heard before (thanks to Erna and Kate for their amazing training, and certain friends as well. You all know who you are!). But it was still an AMAZING refresher, and it was cool to be there to experience with the other interns. I especially enjoyed hearing other people's journeys with multi-ethnicity and their own ethnic identity. I still find that I am hesitant to strongly identify as white... but I think I'm realizing that it is ok, so long as it is out of genuine difference and not simply a fear of being white or white guilt. Maybe it is time I took another look at Doug's book ;) We'll see :P
Anywho, as for the things on transition... a lot to process. My main take-away is that I need to cling to God and community during this time. I need to MAKE the time for God, to abide in Him, to dwell with Him, to trust and lean on Him, to rejoice in Him, delight in Him, be blessed by Him, be LOVED BY HIM! And, I need to make time to develop a healthy relationship with Brendan, to go deeper in community with S&D, and to continue building/developing friendships with people from Claremont as well as in Long Beach. However, I also need to be patient with myself. One thing they said was "You'll know when things are off balance when things are wrong/hard/difficult" basically, we can't always PLAN for transition to go well... but we can ADJUST along the way. We won't know we've lacked community (often) until we feel isolated/alone. We won't know we've lacked rest until we're pissed off and grumpy (if you're me, haha). So, time will tell :) Good thing God goes with me AND before me ;)
All in all, the trek was really good. I enjoyed it, it was challenging, and God definitely gave me some good things to chew on for the next year.
I've updated my prayer requests! Check em out!
I was away for 10 days, 9 nights, on the InterVarsity Intern Trek. It was AMAZING (to say the least).
We spent part of the trip in Albuquerque, NM and part in Flagstaff, AZ. We did spiritual formation in the morning, which was focused on our relationship with God. We talked about Christ's invitation to abide with him, to "come and see"; about getting in the reflexive habit of confession and repentance; about becoming "Nathans" to our students, which includes speaking truth even when it may destroy our image; forming habits of gratitude in the midst of suffering; God's calling on our lives, and that we can rejoice over our gifts and abilities by giving glory to God; finally, we talked about spiritual authority--authority that comes directly from God through our intimate relationship with Him.
The time in NM we were trained by Doug Schaupp (author of Being White and I Once Was Lost) in evangelism. He was also in my van (we stayed in homes of people from the church, so Doug helped drop us off/ pick us up every night). On top of his AMAZING training in evangelism, he has an amazing story of how he became a writer and how he has grown in racial reconciliation and chapter development. It was so fun to get to know him and my lovely van mates better. They even took me out for my bday :D The Outreach event on UNM's campus was my first ever experience with contact evangelism. And, although I didn't lead anyone to Christ, I shared the gospel boldly and saw God answer my prayers IMMEDIATELY! (Hey Mark, how you doin'?! haha). Anyway, it was AMAZING! And over 10 people came to Christ that day, including a group of young kids led to faith by none other than Tom Allen (woot Van-Dad! He drove me and another intern from Riverside to New Mexico. We got to know our boss's boss's boss pretty well... haha).
In AZ we focused more specifically on our time of transition and cross-cultural relationships. The things on multi-ethnicity weren't anything I have not heard before (thanks to Erna and Kate for their amazing training, and certain friends as well. You all know who you are!). But it was still an AMAZING refresher, and it was cool to be there to experience with the other interns. I especially enjoyed hearing other people's journeys with multi-ethnicity and their own ethnic identity. I still find that I am hesitant to strongly identify as white... but I think I'm realizing that it is ok, so long as it is out of genuine difference and not simply a fear of being white or white guilt. Maybe it is time I took another look at Doug's book ;) We'll see :P
Anywho, as for the things on transition... a lot to process. My main take-away is that I need to cling to God and community during this time. I need to MAKE the time for God, to abide in Him, to dwell with Him, to trust and lean on Him, to rejoice in Him, delight in Him, be blessed by Him, be LOVED BY HIM! And, I need to make time to develop a healthy relationship with Brendan, to go deeper in community with S&D, and to continue building/developing friendships with people from Claremont as well as in Long Beach. However, I also need to be patient with myself. One thing they said was "You'll know when things are off balance when things are wrong/hard/difficult" basically, we can't always PLAN for transition to go well... but we can ADJUST along the way. We won't know we've lacked community (often) until we feel isolated/alone. We won't know we've lacked rest until we're pissed off and grumpy (if you're me, haha). So, time will tell :) Good thing God goes with me AND before me ;)
All in all, the trek was really good. I enjoyed it, it was challenging, and God definitely gave me some good things to chew on for the next year.
I've updated my prayer requests! Check em out!
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