Hey Everyone,
Sorry it has been a while since my last update.
God has been doing A LOT in me and in the community at CSULB!!
Winter break was not the most spiritually rejuvenating season, entirely of my own doing. Instead of adopting disciplines over the break (plan) to help me rest in God, I was watching Netflix (reality). Not saying Netflix is evil (though I am sure someone has made a connection before), but I found myself spending all this time watching shows and movies and almost none letting God restore my soul.
As you can imagine that did not help me prepare for another semester at CSULB. Fun fact about CSULB: New Student Outreach is a YEAR ROUND thing. For those familiar with the crazy month at the beginning of the school year… picture that over the whole year. Dying inside? I was a little too. My soul was in need of rest which I had deprived it and then I was back to work, work, work.
My traditional prognosis would be rest. I was spiritually dry, so I needed to go off on my own and find the one who is described as a Spring, welling up into eternal life. I needed that life back.
But God had a new lesson for me.
Perseverance. Endurance. Being faithful even when it was not immediately refilling, rewarding, renewing, exciting, or fun.
And you know what?
“But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” – Romans 5:3-4
God is growing my character. When I thought “I am too broken to be here, to minister to students” God said “Yes. You were broken when I called you here. Nothing has changed.”
When I whined, “I am tired” God said, “Let Me be your rest.”
When I cried out, “I am so weak!” God said, “But I am strong.”
And then things began to change. As I trusted that God called me to CSULB knowing all of my faults, failures, sins and brokenness, I could be confident that I am where I am supposed to be. As I trusted in God for rest and not myself (or my hulu account), I began to feel restored and renewed. I was actually less stressed and more joyful, despite less time to myself and less sleep. (I have been struggling with anxiety about sleep. I want to protect it like a precious stone, and anything that took sleep away made me grumpy and irritated. God is working on that as I trust Him more.) And as I saw my weaknesses with more clarity than ever before, I saw more of God’s strength, power and glory than in seasons past.
God invited me into a season of “hope and joy.” I am beginning to think we had different ideas of how that would come about… but had I turned to Romans 5, I might have recalled that suffering is a necessary precursor to hope. If when I suffer I look to God and ask Him what I ought to do, then I find perseverance. As I persevere with God in life and faith, He works on my character. And, as my character grows in the LORD, I experience hope (and joy).
So that is my inner workings. What of CSULB InterVarsity?
THIRTY students are registered for Catalina Spring Conference! WOOT! It will be amazing!!!
A non-Christian student recently told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Instead of being upset about this, she said “This is my time. Like Erna said, this time is for me and for Him—for God.” Oh, and this student happens to be the one prophesied to become a Christian by the end of this school year (which honestly, even the very beginning of the semester I was thinking to myself and praying to God, “Ok… You gotta do something major cuz I just don’t see it.) PLEASE keep praying for her! God is doing GOOD THINGS!
A student in a fraternity who hasn’t been very involved has been coming and is going to Spring Con. He usually leaves right after Sarah wraps up her talk. Last night he stayed after midnight and received prayer for physical healing!
God continues to bring new people each week to our meetings, including some non-Christians.
One of the students I am investing in is doing a God Investigation Group (GIG) with a guy in her dorm! He also comes weekly and will be at Spring Con!!
There have been monthly men's breakfasts that are helping the guys build community and learn what accountability and friendship can look like with Christ involved.
We consistently have 30+ people at Soul Thirst!
God is good!
OTHER NEWS: Brendan and I are getting wedding stuff finalized.
I got a new job at my church! I will start there after Spring Con doing administrative and special programs stuff.
I am very excited for this season, and it is full of much hope and joy (hey, how did God know?!)
Hope you are well!
Showing posts with label my character. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my character. Show all posts
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Another New Year
I'm not one to make resolutions.
My main reason...I don't like failure.
I also do not understand why changing a 1 to a 2 implies the necessity for great character work.
Shouldn't every day be a chance for God to work in us, to transform us?
But, if I'm really, brutally honest with myself... it takes change for me to see God in new ways, to experience Him more, and to see a lot of my flaws. Transition is, I think, one of the main ways God gets into my world because I'm finally in flux and out of control.
So, while I am not making new year's resolutions... God has invited me into new ways of experiencing Him and His inner healing. I will (vulnerably) share them with you:
1) Hope. God is inviting me into a season of hope. This is not because there are a lot of things that are making me hopeful, but because God wants to remove my doubts and fears. God wants to help me see His goodness behind my, and the world's, mess.
2) Joy. God is inviting me into a season of joy, I think mainly because of my coming marriage. If you know me and my background, you know marriage is a scary thing. You know that Brendan and I endured A LOT to get to this point (PRAISE JESUS!). I'm excited to see what God has for me in this area.
** while Hope and Joy sound like obvious good things... it puts a certain amount of expectation on God to make it happen. I can't magically summon Hope and Joy from no where. Those rely on God (and God in me).
3) Art. God has reminded me of how much I loooove art. All kinds. Painting. Photography. Sketching. (Admiring others' work and making my own). During this season I want to continue to explore art, mainly through my journaling experience and through a screenplay I am writing. (Gasp?! Screenplay?!?! WHAT?! Yeah... sorta random... but I no longer so secretly want to write for cinema. It's actually a passion of mine that I haven't done much with before.) So, I'm working on a piece that is oddly introspective. Really I'm writing because I can't stop.
So, Hope, Joy and Art. God is calling me to engage with Him in ways I have, until now, left quite neglected. I'm excited for what God has in store!
Oh, and #4...
4) Group hangouts. Sarah and Eddy both reviewed me in December and said I'm great at one-on-one interactions or small group interactions, that I clearly love and listen, and people open up easily around me. However... I haven't really gotten back into organizing big events. (Again, mostly because I feel failure...what if I plan smoething and... no one comes?!?!) So, it's scary, but I think it'll be fun!
Thanks for reading, I appreciate your prayers in all of these endeavors :D
God bless!
My main reason...I don't like failure.
I also do not understand why changing a 1 to a 2 implies the necessity for great character work.
Shouldn't every day be a chance for God to work in us, to transform us?
But, if I'm really, brutally honest with myself... it takes change for me to see God in new ways, to experience Him more, and to see a lot of my flaws. Transition is, I think, one of the main ways God gets into my world because I'm finally in flux and out of control.
So, while I am not making new year's resolutions... God has invited me into new ways of experiencing Him and His inner healing. I will (vulnerably) share them with you:
1) Hope. God is inviting me into a season of hope. This is not because there are a lot of things that are making me hopeful, but because God wants to remove my doubts and fears. God wants to help me see His goodness behind my, and the world's, mess.
2) Joy. God is inviting me into a season of joy, I think mainly because of my coming marriage. If you know me and my background, you know marriage is a scary thing. You know that Brendan and I endured A LOT to get to this point (PRAISE JESUS!). I'm excited to see what God has for me in this area.
** while Hope and Joy sound like obvious good things... it puts a certain amount of expectation on God to make it happen. I can't magically summon Hope and Joy from no where. Those rely on God (and God in me).
3) Art. God has reminded me of how much I loooove art. All kinds. Painting. Photography. Sketching. (Admiring others' work and making my own). During this season I want to continue to explore art, mainly through my journaling experience and through a screenplay I am writing. (Gasp?! Screenplay?!?! WHAT?! Yeah... sorta random... but I no longer so secretly want to write for cinema. It's actually a passion of mine that I haven't done much with before.) So, I'm working on a piece that is oddly introspective. Really I'm writing because I can't stop.
So, Hope, Joy and Art. God is calling me to engage with Him in ways I have, until now, left quite neglected. I'm excited for what God has in store!
Oh, and #4...
4) Group hangouts. Sarah and Eddy both reviewed me in December and said I'm great at one-on-one interactions or small group interactions, that I clearly love and listen, and people open up easily around me. However... I haven't really gotten back into organizing big events. (Again, mostly because I feel failure...what if I plan smoething and... no one comes?!?!) So, it's scary, but I think it'll be fun!
Thanks for reading, I appreciate your prayers in all of these endeavors :D
God bless!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Flailing in Deep Seas
Please read my October Update before you read my spiritual insights on all God is doing. Thank you.
***
So, in light of all the good things God is doing, yet all my inner turmoil, what am I learning?
I get the image of water polo my sophomore year of high school. I had played during my freshman year in the "field" as a driver. I had a decent knowledge of the game, I was fast, and I could pass, catch, and shoot a ball. Basically, I had key water polo skills. My coach saw in me something more: I had strong legs, a good reach, decent reflexes (to be developed more) and a great breast stroke kick (something from swim that he found a new use for.) My coach asked me to be a goalie. I was extremely hesitant, and honestly, very angry. I had spent all summer between freshman and sophomore year training to be the fastest swimmer on the team, to be a strong field player. Honestly, I wanted to score goals. So I was PISSED when he told me he needed me in cage. He told me about all of my attributes that would prove beneficial, but I was still upset. Eventually, I came around. But I knew that, if I was to be goalie during our winter season, I wanted a head start on training. So, I began going to guys' practices. I trained with them, hardly blocking a thing the first practices. I wore weight belts (which SUCKED back then). I trained 3 hours a day OUT of my season. I swam. I did drills. And I clung to every peice of advice either of my coaches offered. I was there to learn. It didn't matter that a million shots got scored on me, so long as I was becoming better.
That was a long analogy, so thank you for sticking it out. Truth is, I need that attitude back. I need to look at these two years as the pre-season. It isn't that I'm not a campus minister yet-I am, even if not "full time." But, intern year is like pre-season training. My blunders can be many, so long as I'm growing stronger in faith and my skills are being developed. I came into the internship with a lot of skills-relational, sharing vulnerably, a healthy dependence on community, my faith, my love for justice, my heart for non-believers, teaching, hearing God's voice-but these skills are no where near what they could be at, given more training. The issue is I came into the internship having been a "rock star" on my campus. Now, I'm learning all over again. Yes, I have skills...but I don't know how to apply them in this new place. Yes, I know a lot about ministry, but I require a new perspective (just like a game looks different in the field than in the goal.)
What needs to change? I need to be ok with this new environment being unfamiliar, with my skills being sub-par, with my attempts resulting more in exhaustion from a long day getting better than numerous "successes." Here is God's word to me for the rest of this internship:
"Brianna, why not take risks LOVING people? Others will say how you could have loved better, but no one will be able to say that you could have loved MORE."
So with that, I'm going to flail. I'm going to look ridiculous in a cage wearing a weight belt as a 200lb titan shoots a water polo ball at my face... but eventually, I'm going to be one of the best. Not because I'm naturally fit to it, but because I wasn't afraid to look like a fool in order to learn what it means to minister well.
***
So, in light of all the good things God is doing, yet all my inner turmoil, what am I learning?
I get the image of water polo my sophomore year of high school. I had played during my freshman year in the "field" as a driver. I had a decent knowledge of the game, I was fast, and I could pass, catch, and shoot a ball. Basically, I had key water polo skills. My coach saw in me something more: I had strong legs, a good reach, decent reflexes (to be developed more) and a great breast stroke kick (something from swim that he found a new use for.) My coach asked me to be a goalie. I was extremely hesitant, and honestly, very angry. I had spent all summer between freshman and sophomore year training to be the fastest swimmer on the team, to be a strong field player. Honestly, I wanted to score goals. So I was PISSED when he told me he needed me in cage. He told me about all of my attributes that would prove beneficial, but I was still upset. Eventually, I came around. But I knew that, if I was to be goalie during our winter season, I wanted a head start on training. So, I began going to guys' practices. I trained with them, hardly blocking a thing the first practices. I wore weight belts (which SUCKED back then). I trained 3 hours a day OUT of my season. I swam. I did drills. And I clung to every peice of advice either of my coaches offered. I was there to learn. It didn't matter that a million shots got scored on me, so long as I was becoming better.
That was a long analogy, so thank you for sticking it out. Truth is, I need that attitude back. I need to look at these two years as the pre-season. It isn't that I'm not a campus minister yet-I am, even if not "full time." But, intern year is like pre-season training. My blunders can be many, so long as I'm growing stronger in faith and my skills are being developed. I came into the internship with a lot of skills-relational, sharing vulnerably, a healthy dependence on community, my faith, my love for justice, my heart for non-believers, teaching, hearing God's voice-but these skills are no where near what they could be at, given more training. The issue is I came into the internship having been a "rock star" on my campus. Now, I'm learning all over again. Yes, I have skills...but I don't know how to apply them in this new place. Yes, I know a lot about ministry, but I require a new perspective (just like a game looks different in the field than in the goal.)
What needs to change? I need to be ok with this new environment being unfamiliar, with my skills being sub-par, with my attempts resulting more in exhaustion from a long day getting better than numerous "successes." Here is God's word to me for the rest of this internship:
"Brianna, why not take risks LOVING people? Others will say how you could have loved better, but no one will be able to say that you could have loved MORE."
So with that, I'm going to flail. I'm going to look ridiculous in a cage wearing a weight belt as a 200lb titan shoots a water polo ball at my face... but eventually, I'm going to be one of the best. Not because I'm naturally fit to it, but because I wasn't afraid to look like a fool in order to learn what it means to minister well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)