God is my Victory

Just some short thoughts, not about interning persay, but some reflections.

Things have been hard, personally and spiritually, as of late. I feel like I'm in a bit of a dry season, a desert. The irony? I asked for it...

When Brendan and I were praying about UCI or UCSB, God told me and my friends that He was calling me into the desert. He promised oasis, but a desert nonetheless. I was afraid of going to UCSB, and God called me to trust Him and be open. Brendan ended up at UCI, but God transformed me (us both, actually) in the process... and for me, He called me into the desert. My prayer for the last month of school or so was for a season of trials. Not because I like them. I hate when things are hard. But, because I felt so comfortable in my faith, comfortable with where I was. A desert, a season of trials, while it would be a dark and hard time, would end with experiencing and understanding more of God than I ever have before.

Sometimes, God gives us exactly what we ask for. I believe God has a lot to teach me in this hard, dry time. I believe He wants me to know more of Him, to experience more of Him, to lean on and delight in Him more than I have ever before. I've been hopeless and discouraged lately, but I also find myself surprised by how good God is and how much He loves me, how much He is walking alongside Brendan and me, how much He protects and provides, how good and trustworthy He is.

Please pray for me to experience more of God. Honestly, I wish things were easier. And on my weakest days, I feel alone in the fight. Yet, though I don't always feel it, I know this is true:

"I see the King of Glory, coming on the clouds with fire, the whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakesl I see His love and mercy, washing over all our sin, the people sing, the people sing, Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest!"

And though sometimes it takes all my strength, and sometimes I forget to pray, I believe:

"I see a generation, rising up to take their place, with selfless faith, with selfless faith; I see a near revival, stirring as we pray and seek, we're on our knees, we're on our knees; Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the Highest"

Despite the pain, the exhaustion, the hopelessness, and the weakness of my faith... I trust in the LORD, and this is my cry:

"Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like You have loved me! Break my heart for what breaks Yours; everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause, as I walk from earth into eternity (with YOU!)"

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Someone said that revival begins in our hearts before it can begin on our campuses. LORD, have Your way!