What is Christmas without Drunken Brawlers?

That's right--drunken brawlers. In the ancient world, some people called them "shepherds." Don't be baited by the paintings of lamb carrying, baby-faced blondes in bath robes. The men from Luke 2 were likely rent-a-shepherds in Israel from the early CE (Common Era).

That means these men were wild and fierce, not to be trusted in upstanding society. They were, to use a few coined phrases, social-outcasts, misfits, ragamuffins. And in the book of Luke, an angel appears to them (that's right, a flippin ANGEL, MESSENGER OF GOD). These guys were greeted by one of those beings of glory and they were struck with fear.

It's crazy to think of a bunch of thugs shaking in their robes, but it is even stranger and more surreal to think of God, perfect and Holy (set apart), coming to a group of unshaven, unkept, barbaric men out in the wilderness.

But that's our God, our King. He came as a helpless babe, born to a young, displaced woman in an occupied country. And Jesus Christ, Redeemer of the World, wanted to be surrounded by the poor, the lowly, the meek, those lost to this world. He came to set things right. He came to bring Shalom--and that is far more than "peace," it is the COMPLETE righting of wrongs. EVERYTHING is set to how God intended.

Jesus brought the Kingdom of God, and He brought it to society's outcasts.

My God loves you, wherever you are, whatever you have gone through. Whatever you've done, whatever you have left undone--He LOVES YOU. He came for you.

This semester, God has been teaching me that I am a misfit in various ways. I have reasons to be ashamed, but my God removes shame. My God gives hope and promises, even to a sinner like me. More so than that, God teaches me that through my brokenness I experience more of Him. The point is not to simply fix the things that are wrong in me, but to experience the Prince of Shalom at work throughout the healing process, throughout the reconstruction of my soul.

And with that, I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Stumbling into God's Glory

The past month or so has been marked, in many ways, by exhaustion and discouragement. I have constantly found myself wondering how the heck am I supposed to be in ministry-I am so sinful, so broken, so unworthy, so incompetant, so unloving. I have been gripped by many fears to the point of defeat and despair.

I have wanted to quit my job as a personal assistant because my bosses continued to blame me for things that were not my fault. I wanted to just stay in bed all day, every day, dreading work... then dreading going on campus.

Yet in the midst of this, because Sarah is a great supervisor, I continued to have tasks to do: cook for Soul Thirst, drive students around, have conversations with the three students I am investing intentionally in, participate, gather, invite, lead a prayer treasure hunt, lead a proxy station.

What I didn't realize all along the way was that God was meeting me and I was simply too lost in my own darkness to see Him.:
- Cooking for Soul Thirst has become much less stressful. I like it when students enjoy the food and knowing I am meeting a most basic need in a hospitable, Jesus-like way.
- Driving students is literally my FAVORITE thing to do! I've had so many amazing conversations about dating relationships, loving neighbors, family issues, being missional, prayer, devotionals, God, Jesus, life! I have gotten to live along side them as I hear more about what they are going through. Driving = ministry time of AWESOME!
- As I am investing intentionally in 3 students, I have gotten to see how they are growing over a year. One of them has taken sooo many risks loving her classmates and friends, she even prayed with me for RANDOM people on campus (ex: "Hey, we just wanted to offer prayer to people as a way to love them. Do you need prayer?" Yup. Totally. Random. People. CRAZINESS!). Another girl has been growing SO MUCH wiht Jesus this semester-she is reading her Bible daily, praying, HEARING from God!, loving her suitemates and other students in her dorm. And a third student is slowly learning what it means to be part of Christian community-he is slowly experiencing the transition from "club" to "FAMILY, children of God." Everything he does with us he totally loves! He even shared vulnerably at a men's breakfast this weekend. AWESOME!
- I led a prayer treasure hunt where students learned they can be used by God in real, tangible, practical ways RIGHT NOW!
- I taught students how to do a proxy about Thanksgiving/community, and they got into amazing conversations about how Jesus calls us to love one another!
- God has continued to grow my character (more on that another time).

So although the main feeling I have when I think abotu November is "tired", I think God wants to re-interpret my memories of this past month. The truth is, it was a LOT of stuff, but God has been so faithful throughout it. Here are two mini reflections from this month:

Me: If people knew how sinful and broken I was, the thoughts that are really in my head, they would NEVER let me lead.
God: Yet I have chosen you.

God, you reach me in my darkest hour, in the deepest pit, when life has caved in all around. You always find me.

To end: God is GOOD even if I can't always see it, I don't always look for it, and I continue to ignore it. The moment I choose to acknowledge Him, He is ever present and unconditionally loving. Amen!

Check out my prayer requests to the right for this months events and other things!

Thank you for reading :)

Kept Promises!

At Fall Conference two students became Christian (woo-hoo!). Of the other non-Christian students we brought, God made a promise:

"I will have Alicia in a month, student Karie within a year."

Last Thursday, Eddy gave a talk on being missional, and the students went around Sarah's apt. taking out peoples' trash and telling them it was because they love Jesus and love the community. After that, we all got to hang out and some of the worship leaders did a jam session--mixing secular and Christian songs as we sang along. It was really fun, despite my awful voice :P Meanwhile, Alice and Sarah talked for a long time upstairs.

...

Alicia, Sarah, and Jasmine (who had invested in Alica) came downstairs... and Alicia had made a first time decision to follow Jesus and become a Christian!!!

I would like to point out that it was ONE MONTH after fall con :)

Jesus is so good and keeps His promises! It is a reminder to me to pay attention to the other promises He has made and live faithfully and hopefully in them.

Three times in four days I have been reminded that 1) The Kingdom of God draws near as I draw near. 2) The power of Jesus goes with me. 3) I need to live in the reality of both of these.

Jesus, help me to live my life that way and let's see what You can do! Amen :)

Flailing in Deep Seas

Please read my October Update before you read my spiritual insights on all God is doing. Thank you.

***

So, in light of all the good things God is doing, yet all my inner turmoil, what am I learning?

I get the image of water polo my sophomore year of high school. I had played during my freshman year in the "field" as a driver. I had a decent knowledge of the game, I was fast, and I could pass, catch, and shoot a ball. Basically, I had key water polo skills. My coach saw in me something more: I had strong legs, a good reach, decent reflexes (to be developed more) and a great breast stroke kick (something from swim that he found a new use for.) My coach asked me to be a goalie. I was extremely hesitant, and honestly, very angry. I had spent all summer between freshman and sophomore year training to be the fastest swimmer on the team, to be a strong field player. Honestly, I wanted to score goals. So I was PISSED when he told me he needed me in cage. He told me about all of my attributes that would prove beneficial, but I was still upset. Eventually, I came around. But I knew that, if I was to be goalie during our winter season, I wanted a head start on training. So, I began going to guys' practices. I trained with them, hardly blocking a thing the first practices. I wore weight belts (which SUCKED back then). I trained 3 hours a day OUT of my season. I swam. I did drills. And I clung to every peice of advice either of my coaches offered. I was there to learn. It didn't matter that a million shots got scored on me, so long as I was becoming better.

That was a long analogy, so thank you for sticking it out. Truth is, I need that attitude back. I need to look at these two years as the pre-season. It isn't that I'm not a campus minister yet-I am, even if not "full time." But, intern year is like pre-season training. My blunders can be many, so long as I'm growing stronger in faith and my skills are being developed. I came into the internship with a lot of skills-relational, sharing vulnerably, a healthy dependence on community, my faith, my love for justice, my heart for non-believers, teaching, hearing God's voice-but these skills are no where near what they could be at, given more training. The issue is I came into the internship having been a "rock star" on my campus. Now, I'm learning all over again. Yes, I have skills...but I don't know how to apply them in this new place. Yes, I know a lot about ministry, but I require a new perspective (just like a game looks different in the field than in the goal.)

What needs to change? I need to be ok with this new environment being unfamiliar, with my skills being sub-par, with my attempts resulting more in exhaustion from a long day getting better than numerous "successes." Here is God's word to me for the rest of this internship:

"Brianna, why not take risks LOVING people? Others will say how you could have loved better, but no one will be able to say that you could have loved MORE."

So with that, I'm going to flail. I'm going to look ridiculous in a cage wearing a weight belt as a 200lb titan shoots a water polo ball at my face... but eventually, I'm going to be one of the best. Not because I'm naturally fit to it, but because I wasn't afraid to look like a fool in order to learn what it means to minister well.

October Update

The past two weeks have been amazing, and challenging:

-I led Bible study about the friends bringing the paralytic to Jesus. We talked about what it would look like to have a "roof ripping faith" and how, as a community of believers, we can bring each other (and our non-Christian friends) before Jesus. Some students shared deeply about what has been going on while their fellows prayed over them. We also challenged one another to offer prayer to a non-Christian friend during the week. Another Bible study we talked about being community and being missional. The talk was short, because we then went out and brought donuts to the students in the dorms and offered to clean. Some people had really deep experiences of being used by God, and it was awesome! One student went to her acquaintance’s dorm. They were talked, and the girl revealed some personal things. They offered to pray for her, and the girl felt so blessed by it all. The IV student later said “I never knew God could use me like that.” AMEN!

-I was on campus studying with a student. She left, and I wanted to leave campus… I was feeling useless being on campus with no one to spend time with. God told me to stick around. I brought my book to a comfy study area and started reading. The guy I set by asked me about my book. This turned into a longer conversation, where I eventually talked about being a Christian and working with IV. He said “that is a weird book for a Christian to read.” And I was able to talk about the Christian author and the various themes of mercy, justice, love and redemption throughout the book. His friends joined him, and I left having a study spot to return to. I got to hang out with them about 4 more times over the few weeks. I even brought them cookies once, just to love them… they think I’m “cool”…which is awesome, but I want them to know that Jesus loves them. They know I work with IV and are open to hanging out with me, so I guess that’s a start 

-We’re starting a mini-series about community. We talked about Christian community being more than at Bible study or Soul Thirst. Sarah said people can DO things together—hang out, grab meals, STUDY together. Things I took for granted at 3CIV (it’s what you do!) are things that were once taught to students at the Claremont Colleges. Sarah and I have the privilege of forming a community that deeply loves Jesus and one another. It’s like being on the front lines; it’s avant-garde. It’s exciting and scary and challenging and exhausting and awesome. We talked about offering rides to one another, praying together, asking each other how we’re doing and REALLY listening. Another week Natalia came from PCC to talk about multi-ethnic community. She ROCKED it! She spoke vulnerably but honestly, and mostly emphasized how the church, and even IV, often acts like the topic of multi-ethnicity is scary. She kept saying “it’s supposed to be FUN!” We always act like prejudices must be broken by serious conversations. This is true and necessary… but prejudices also break in relationship, and relationships are FUN! She gave us a “race interview” to conduct at CSULB. The students are supposed to go to someone of a different ethnicity than their own and ask them a series of questions on a sheet (about how the students experiences race at CSULB, etc.) The hope is that through these conversations, the students learn 1)it doesn’t have to be scary, 2) how to talk to/approach someone different from them, 3) gospel is revealed through loving cross-culturally, and 4)the gospel can be explained and the person invited to get to know Jesus.

-All in all, there is a lot happening. Which brings me to how I’m doing:
Things are good, and I have many things to be thankful for—Sarah and I continue to grow as ministry partners (and friends!), students are sharing more openly about their lives and spirituality within community, students are beginning to be more missional, students are hanging out together, God is providing conversation opportunities for myself and others.

Things are also hard. I’ve been really tired. Sarah and I revised my schedule, so hopefully that will help.
-I’ve been feeling unable to go on campus, and really needing Bible Study Tuesday nights to get my butt in gear. I want to be excited, come Monday, to go to campus… but lately, it has been hard.
- I want loving students to make the transition from being super-intentional to reflexive. I think I’m being hard on myself here: it takes time, and real love isn’t led by “feeling” it but DOING it. Still, it would be nice to have the emotions to back up the actions.
-As God breaks my heart for so many people and so many aspects of campus and student life, I find myself feeling unable to address everything. I feel so limited, and even within those small limits, I feel maxed out. I desperately need to know where He is leading and simply follow, because I have no clue what I’m doing most days.
-I’m struggling with being very strategic. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I take life in stride, and live much more in the moment than I ever thought possible. I don’t plan what conversations need to happen very well in advance, I simply bring them up when I see they are necessary. I also don’t know everyone well enough yet to naturally think “I should talk to them about this…” which makes me feel insecure—why don’t I know them well enough yet? Will it ever “come naturally” or will it always require so much effort?
-I desperately want to feel significant. To this, God continues to challenge me: “Bri, if nothing happened this year except that you learned to trust Me and love Me more, would that be enough?” Right now… I often find myself answering “no…because that seems like a waste.” And God keeps saying “But it would be, because I love YOU and care for YOU.” … it’s so hard to be in this place of constantly thinking about students, strategically planning things, thinking of “next steps” for the 3 I am to invest in, and yet God keeps saying “you may not see fruit…but it is still worth it.” Ugh.

I have a deeper insight on this I will post in a separate blog, because this one is too long.

Seeing (Fall Conference)

This past weekend was our annual fall conference. IV owns a camp out on Catalina Island called Campus By the Sea (CBS). It is an amazing place where I have experienced God so many times, including this weekend.

CSULB InterVarsity, being in only its 3rd year on campus, had SEVENTEEN students attend! (Last year, 5 came... and it was an awkward group of 5 and a rough conference in general.) Of the 17, FOUR were non-Christians! I shall revisit this number momentarily.

Logistics for getting to fall con were stressful: some students went to the wrong dock, and some were running really late, and someone locked their keys in the car. However, God is good, and He got everyone to the dock before the boat left! Praise Him! (we weren't even the last school to have everyone arrive). In the end it all worked out, but it left me feeling a bit frazzled. That ended once on the boat (I love the trip over the ocean!) and hanging out with students, especially the MILLIONS of pictures taken. I swear, check out facebook and you'll see more pictures of me at Catalina from this one weekend than all my 4 years combined! Hah.

Anywho, one student got sea sick pretty bad, but I prayed for her that she wouldn't throw up and stood with her outside. She did NOT throw up, and even just getting back on land she felt better really quickly (which is unusual for her). Praise God!

Friday Night Erna introduced herself and everyone loved her personality, but more importantly, everyone heard more about the Kingdom of God and seemed to be excited to hear more on Saturday.

Saturday morning was a deep session. One of our non-Christian students broke down crying, and I felt God say "let her sit in this, then comfort her, then let her sit in this with Me." So I did... but when I saw her crying, and talked to her, I felt God's presence and Spirit with her, as if waiting all around her to be let in. It was so powerful I cried with her and told her what she was feeling was from God. I also talked with a non-CSULB student who was going through a lot of family stuff. God gave me a Psalm to share with her. (Later in the weekend, she hugged me and told me the Psalm blessed her, and she was very grateful and hoped to see me again. It is so crazy how God does that!!)

My small group at Catalina was half of the CSULB students, and people shared really vulnerably. I shared some about my family/relationship with my dad, and then about five other students shared about crazy family situations. It was a great time of openness and beginning to see how God has authority over everything-even our crazy family stuff.

Sat. afternoon was a lot of FUN! I snorkled, sat in the sun chattin with a non-Christian student, hiked to the cross for an INSANE photoshoot, and played volleyball (we WON 26-24! So fun! I think I dove too much... my right knee is swollen... uh oh).

Sat. night was THE BEST. It began with God calling me to go outside and walk around the building praying. Check. To get on my knees, and cry out for MY/HIS people. Check. To go prostrate myself before the LORD. (I asked if it could be inside instead of on the dirt around camp. God said that was ok.) Check. And then, the Holy Spirit filled me and I prayed and interceded as I never could alone. It was AMAZING...and draining, and AWESOME! So I cleaned up my gross crying-face and went back inside to worship and listen to Erna give an epic sermon on sitting at Jesus' table, on His authoirty and compassion, and on making decisions for the Kingdom of God rather than the Kingdom of the World. EPIC.

And, at the end of the night...

CSULB had TWO NEW CHRISTIANS!!!!! And so did OTHER campuses!!!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!

One of my students actually stood up to the challenge to be more MISSIONAL on campus before the call to become a Christian (because it was the last call given). I looked at her thinking "she isn't a Christian...how is she going to be missional???" and God said "Oh, Bri...WAIT for it!" and when she stood for the call, I was crying yet again. It was awesome! And she shared the next morning how she wants to bring Jesus to her Sorority sisters! How she wants to be a LIGHT at CSULB! PRAISE GOD! The other student had been in my SG, and I know God has some GOOD healing for her in her family. She is also PUMPED for the REAL Black Student Conference in Nov. and is encouraging her friends to go with her! AMEN!

I have more to reflect on personally, but I thought y'all should here the AMAZING news!!!

Not a single person with CSULB went untouched. The two non-Christians who did not commit to Jesus as their savior DID commit to being OPEN to JESUS this semester! AMEN! PRAISE GOD! And I felt like He promised them this semester and this year, that we would see them join the KOG soon enough! PRAISE JESUS! (in advance, for He KEEPS HIS PROMISES!) And EVERY Christian student said they wanted to be MORE MISSIONAL on campus, they wanted to be BOLD, they want to share God's GOODNESS and LOVE with others! With EVERYONE! They want to invite other people to the BANQUET! AMEN!

Anyway, I'm out. God is so good! REVIVAL has come to LONG BEACH!

For His Namesake (lay it on the line)

Jesus, are you up to the challenge? You say "I lead you on the right path for my namesake." (Psalm 23). Because of You, I let go of my selfish desire to keep reading and ignore the guy who sat down in front of me. Because of you, I talked to him about his broken arm. Because of you, I asked him about himself and talked to rando-guy instead of leaving. Because of you, I offered to pray for the pain to go away, and You urged me to pray for more.

So Jesus, are you up to the challenge? This guy's arm was broken for ONE MONTH before he had insurance to put it in a cast. Now, the pain is so bad but he doesn't want to take pain killers (because some of his friends got addicted to them, and he "lost" them, whatever that means...You know). So Jesus, will you remove the pain? Will you, from now until the cast is removed, set the bones right? 4 Weeks from now, will he even remember that I prayed for him in YOUR NAME?

Jesus, it is Your namesake on the line. Jesus, I was this guy to know You, Your love, Your peace, Your hope, Your comfort, Your might, Your power, Your glory. But ultimately, the choice is Yours.

I believe I serve a loving God with the power to heal all wounds - physical, emotional, spiritual. Jesus...in YOUR name I prayed. You are not a God of disappointments.

I will revisit this again, Jesus. In four weeks, I expect a man healed of so much more than a broken arm. As a man filled with the Holy Spirit recently reminded me, "My God loves these kind of challenges." The clock is ticking.

Erm, Jesus... [I'm] Gonna Die!

Before you freak out, my title is straight outta Luke 8. That's right-crazy sea knocking a tiny boat around full of scared disciples and a sleeping Jesus. There fear was REAL. Their fear was "rational." Their fear consumed them to the point that they TOLD Jesus the outcome. They didn't ask for help. They didn't tell Him "we might die!" They said, flat out, "Master, Master, we are going to drown!"

In their minds: Jesus, do you care? How the hell can He sleep in this storm? We're going to die, inform Him of the situation.

And the past few weeks, I think I've been in a storm, a war on all fronts (sorry to switch imagery). Seriously though, I've felt overwhelmed by my job. My boss is constantly adding more to my plate (much of it last minute). My internship has been quite exhausting at times. My relationship with Brendan has been full of conflict. I have been lacking community or not taking advantage of the community I do have. More or less, I've been feeling the whipping of the wind, the lashing of the waves, and fearing my boat [life] would capsize.

I've recently been hit by a few truths about God, encouraged in many ways. I will try to sum up.

When feeling like I have no purpose at CSULB, I am reminded that Chapter Planting, as Eddy and Sarah would say, is NOT sexy. It is, however, God's work and desire. So when I'm running errands, cooking for 20, driving people all over, spending days on campus when no one shows up, sitting in on things I'm not directly "leading," playing awkward games or forcing awkward conversations, Jesus is all the while using me to gather, to serve, to model hospitality, to listen to the deeper heart cries underneath the casual conversation, to build trust, to spread joy, to build community, to help students forget about their current stress, to interpret for students what God is doing in their lives, to let students get to know me, to LOVE students despite my own brokenness.

When feeling like work is too much, I am reminded that I have the opportunity to share the love of Christ with an adorable little girl. I can encourage her and support her, I can teach her and coach her, I can share about my faith and listen as she talks about hers. I get to LOVE her, despite my own brokenness.

And when I feel like I have failed Brendan or he has failed me, I am reminded of God's good promise to me/us before we started dating: "You and Brendan will be good for one another." So when we fight over stupid things, when we are stuck in bad patterns, when we are selfish, when we are tired and unable to love well, when we are grumpy, when we hold on to bitterness, when we suck at life...Jesus shows me that He has a plan for us, He shows me the ways we have encouraged one another and built each other up. He shows us that we are more than our faults and failures. He shows me that I can, indeed, LOVE despite my own brokenness.

More than loving through brokenness, Luke 8 taught me that Jesus doesn't always put us in situations to work on our character (yes, He deeply wants to transform us.) Sometimes, He transforms us through circumstances, but sometimes He changes our circumstances so that we trust Him and ask Him to transform us.

So while I know God is doing much IN me, here is my prayer:

- That interning would not be so exhausting and overwhelming, that it would get easier and that God would bring 20 students to fall con.
- That work would not be so stressful, but my boss would be on top of things and realize how much she has been asking of me.
- That Brendan and I would break through our bad habits, but also, that we would just have more joy overall.

My Jesus cares about my heart and my character, and it has taken me a looong time to realize this truth. But what I have lost/forgotten along the way is that my Jesus ALSO cares about my circumstances and He has the power and the compassion to change them!

Stones by the Jordan (things to remember):

I thought I'd share with you things God has been doing, since that IS the point of this blog after all ;)

Bonfire.
I got lost with two students, F and N. They were very patient with me, even though we were an HOUR late to the beach bonfire. We got to talk, get to know each other, and hang out. I believe God used that time for a reason (admittedly I was annoyed at the lack of clarity in directions AT THE TIME, and I felt guilty because we had the fire wood... but God had something else in mind!)

Soul Thirst.
I think there was 12-15 of us? It was a decent group, 4 guys came. God taught me that I have strong opinions and that sometimes it is better to hold one's tongue. In doing so, I was able to welcome a student who hadn't had a "real" conversation with anyone at CSULB until that night with me. I felt blessed (even though, at the time I didn't realize just how significant that conversation was, or how God would use that hospitality to bring this guy to our small group even though he isn't friends with anyone...YET!)

Hang outs.
We went to the movies, both times provided great opportunities to hang out with students. R came one day, N (from the bonfire) came another, along with sophomores on the Salt and Light team. These times were fun and all, but I had a hard time seeing their deeper significance (a trend right now? PERHAPS?! Haha). Anyway, R & N ended up going to IGNITE!

IGNITE.
I could right an entire blog about this, but I will be brief. God reminded me that I have spiritual authority because of my relationship with Him. He wants to use me. He has given me various gifts of the spirit in order to pour out His love onto His people. He has called me to speak His truth to believers and none believers alike. At Ignite, God used me to love 3 various people, 1 is a fellow intern whom I love. It was so amazing to be used to inspire and encourage her because I know she will be such a blessing as she leads worship at our Fall Con :) God is sooo good! Just to say, Abner was AMAZING and he brought thunder and lightning during his talk :D It was frickin' awesome! The number of people who prayed for an outpouring of the spirit was MIND BLOWING!
The afternoon sessions were fine, nothing new or breathtaking, but I did get prayer for how to be a witness to men at CSULB. I also talked some strategy with Kate and Waley. It was awesome just to talk to them about issues I'm facing and hear what they've done, and the issues they face.
Evening session was AMAZING. When Ryan spoke about people God is calling us to witness to, I broke down. God gave me a professor at Scripps who I have been praying for for 2-3 years now. Annoyed. I graduated, God, why him still? Afraid. What if I share and he doesn't accept? Fear. what if I share and YOU don't show up, God? And Doubt. What if I share the wrong thing? (Because God gave me specifically what I should say). I asked for confirmation. Right then, Ryan said "maybe you got a professor"...Damn. So I cried out because of my fear and doubt. I asked Brendan to pray over me. As he did so, I had a renewed sense of faith. I couldn't contain everything, so I went to the aisle to intercede, to worship, to cry out, to plead for the students at Ignite, to demand revival, and God spoke clearly to me. It was amazing to hear something to transformative. The pastor at Antioch, the predominantly black church I've been attending, has said that when God gives certain visions it demands life-changing actions to be taken.

God spoke to me in a way that I could not deny. Everything before this Saturday has been, in part, the old way for IV. God is bringing a new thing - new wine requires a new wineskin. We must adjust to the new things coming our way.

I heard God speak in my spirit: The Revival has begun.

One student gave her life at Ignite (THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN! What non-Christian GOES?! RIDICULOUS! INSANITY!) and 7 or so rededicated (again, Ignite is more for the on fire Christians in general, those who want to witness... WHAT?!) And all week I've been reading post after post by IV staff describing the revivals they've seen: students coming to faith, students initiating spiritual conversations, students signing up for GIGS, the Holy Spirit descending on prayer meetings and giving students gifts to prophesy and see visions. The funny thing is, I'm not surprised... but every time I read another story, God brings tears to my eyes -- He spoke truly. The revival has begun!

Students are students, and students are AWESOME!

Today was my first day of ministry activity on CSULB. Me, Sarah, and a few students passed out free water, helped move, and gave directions to lost freshman as they were moving in today. It was hot, and the agua was very appreciated :)

I got to talk to one of the IV students a lot, which was AMAZING (we will call her "A"). She is such a strong woman, I am already impressed by her faith and her belief that God is in control. She is married and her husband is in the navy. From how she describes her, her life is a constant question mark. They never know more than a week in advance what the situation is. They may even restation him in another state in January! She is constantly forced to be flexible, trusting, and hope in the LORD. Hearing more of her story and relationship with God, I am blown away (and honestly SCHOOLED!) by her steadfast belief that Jesus is in control and won't drop her. My financial situation (part-time job may not be enough money...ugh) seems so small in comparison. But, more than anything, I am reminded to TRUST AND HOPE IN THE LORD! AMEN! :)

As for the students I met... here are two stories:

First, I met an RA (we shall call her "K" to respect privacy). We were helping a family find the nearest restroom, and it was in the lobby of K's dorm. A and I starting talking to K, and eventually we told her that we were with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF). She told us that she was a Christian, and that one of our fellow IVers is a friend of hers, and a strong partner in faith. It was encouraging to find another Christian, and she seemed interested in our group. At the end of the day, after passing out most of the water bottles, I brought K a couple leftover. I told her how much of a blessing her being an RA is to the students, and that I am blessed to have a sister caring for others on campus. She said we needed to encourage and support each other, and that we would be a light at CSULB. Her faith impressed upon me how vital it is that I am here for this season, and reminded me how much God loves CSULB that He is putting His people allll over. I took down K's info to contact her about IV stuff, and asked where she goes to church. I hope to visit with Brendan, Sam and Daniel soon :) She was awesome, and I look forward to getting to know her better!

I also met a guy (J). So J pulled into the parking lot with a car full of stuff and no one around to help. A and I offered, and he was very grateful. When we started, some basketball players came to help (many sports team and those in the Greek system were there to help today, mandatory I think). We had so many people helping J, he was floored. I started talking to him, asking him how he felt about the year, where he was from, his major, etc. We talked about various things, and after two trips with 7 or so helpers, he was mostly unloaded. He told us he would get the last few things and thanked us for our help. I wanted to tell him who we were, but honestly froze. I felt bad as I left the dorm, and I told God "if only I had another chance." Then here comes J, walking behind me. He says he left something he needed in his car, and I tell him who we are, that we have BBQs and stuff coming up, and if he would want to give me his information. He says yes, and now I can follow-up with him later! I ran into him a few more times (his dorm was by our FREE WATER stand).

So, those are my DAY 1 stories. Please pray for J, K, the other students we met, those we have not yet met, that God would continue to ordane moments like these where we can love the students of Beach State!

Throughout the day, I noticed quite a few differences (the ethnic diversity, the amount of transfer students from community colleges, the size of the place, the lack of discussion amongst first year-aka no real bonding stuffs yet/random convos like in the dorms of Scripps)... but I noticed one similarity: college students are college students. Conversations with them are not unlike those I had back at Scripps welcoming first years. Though I have much to learn, this much is true: God has called me to LOVE students; it is a ministry that, for this season of my life, causes me to rejoice and be glad for all the LORD has planned!

One Full Day

Just a few quick updates (yes, all happened yesterday):

I have two jobs! One is a coaching position for water polo in Santa Ana at a high school. The other is an office assistant/tutoring position in Long Beach. The dilemma? How many hours is TOO many hours with my internship also?

Please pray for discernment on how many coaching hours to take on, if any.

I was in a car accident. Nothing too serious. I've been a little sore, but my car is totally fine.

Please pray for healing, that this soreness is all I'll experience.

Now, we are waiting to hear about a few apartments.

Please pray that we can find a good place soon!!!

That is all :)

God is my Victory

Just some short thoughts, not about interning persay, but some reflections.

Things have been hard, personally and spiritually, as of late. I feel like I'm in a bit of a dry season, a desert. The irony? I asked for it...

When Brendan and I were praying about UCI or UCSB, God told me and my friends that He was calling me into the desert. He promised oasis, but a desert nonetheless. I was afraid of going to UCSB, and God called me to trust Him and be open. Brendan ended up at UCI, but God transformed me (us both, actually) in the process... and for me, He called me into the desert. My prayer for the last month of school or so was for a season of trials. Not because I like them. I hate when things are hard. But, because I felt so comfortable in my faith, comfortable with where I was. A desert, a season of trials, while it would be a dark and hard time, would end with experiencing and understanding more of God than I ever have before.

Sometimes, God gives us exactly what we ask for. I believe God has a lot to teach me in this hard, dry time. I believe He wants me to know more of Him, to experience more of Him, to lean on and delight in Him more than I have ever before. I've been hopeless and discouraged lately, but I also find myself surprised by how good God is and how much He loves me, how much He is walking alongside Brendan and me, how much He protects and provides, how good and trustworthy He is.

Please pray for me to experience more of God. Honestly, I wish things were easier. And on my weakest days, I feel alone in the fight. Yet, though I don't always feel it, I know this is true:

"I see the King of Glory, coming on the clouds with fire, the whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakesl I see His love and mercy, washing over all our sin, the people sing, the people sing, Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest!"

And though sometimes it takes all my strength, and sometimes I forget to pray, I believe:

"I see a generation, rising up to take their place, with selfless faith, with selfless faith; I see a near revival, stirring as we pray and seek, we're on our knees, we're on our knees; Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the Highest"

Despite the pain, the exhaustion, the hopelessness, and the weakness of my faith... I trust in the LORD, and this is my cry:

"Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like You have loved me! Break my heart for what breaks Yours; everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause, as I walk from earth into eternity (with YOU!)"

***

Someone said that revival begins in our hearts before it can begin on our campuses. LORD, have Your way!

Intern Trek 2011!

Hey everyone,

I was away for 10 days, 9 nights, on the InterVarsity Intern Trek. It was AMAZING (to say the least).

We spent part of the trip in Albuquerque, NM and part in Flagstaff, AZ. We did spiritual formation in the morning, which was focused on our relationship with God. We talked about Christ's invitation to abide with him, to "come and see"; about getting in the reflexive habit of confession and repentance; about becoming "Nathans" to our students, which includes speaking truth even when it may destroy our image; forming habits of gratitude in the midst of suffering; God's calling on our lives, and that we can rejoice over our gifts and abilities by giving glory to God; finally, we talked about spiritual authority--authority that comes directly from God through our intimate relationship with Him.

The time in NM we were trained by Doug Schaupp (author of Being White and I Once Was Lost) in evangelism. He was also in my van (we stayed in homes of people from the church, so Doug helped drop us off/ pick us up every night). On top of his AMAZING training in evangelism, he has an amazing story of how he became a writer and how he has grown in racial reconciliation and chapter development. It was so fun to get to know him and my lovely van mates better. They even took me out for my bday :D The Outreach event on UNM's campus was my first ever experience with contact evangelism. And, although I didn't lead anyone to Christ, I shared the gospel boldly and saw God answer my prayers IMMEDIATELY! (Hey Mark, how you doin'?! haha). Anyway, it was AMAZING! And over 10 people came to Christ that day, including a group of young kids led to faith by none other than Tom Allen (woot Van-Dad! He drove me and another intern from Riverside to New Mexico. We got to know our boss's boss's boss pretty well... haha).

In AZ we focused more specifically on our time of transition and cross-cultural relationships. The things on multi-ethnicity weren't anything I have not heard before (thanks to Erna and Kate for their amazing training, and certain friends as well. You all know who you are!). But it was still an AMAZING refresher, and it was cool to be there to experience with the other interns. I especially enjoyed hearing other people's journeys with multi-ethnicity and their own ethnic identity. I still find that I am hesitant to strongly identify as white... but I think I'm realizing that it is ok, so long as it is out of genuine difference and not simply a fear of being white or white guilt. Maybe it is time I took another look at Doug's book ;) We'll see :P

Anywho, as for the things on transition... a lot to process. My main take-away is that I need to cling to God and community during this time. I need to MAKE the time for God, to abide in Him, to dwell with Him, to trust and lean on Him, to rejoice in Him, delight in Him, be blessed by Him, be LOVED BY HIM! And, I need to make time to develop a healthy relationship with Brendan, to go deeper in community with S&D, and to continue building/developing friendships with people from Claremont as well as in Long Beach. However, I also need to be patient with myself. One thing they said was "You'll know when things are off balance when things are wrong/hard/difficult" basically, we can't always PLAN for transition to go well... but we can ADJUST along the way. We won't know we've lacked community (often) until we feel isolated/alone. We won't know we've lacked rest until we're pissed off and grumpy (if you're me, haha). So, time will tell :) Good thing God goes with me AND before me ;)

All in all, the trek was really good. I enjoyed it, it was challenging, and God definitely gave me some good things to chew on for the next year.

I've updated my prayer requests! Check em out!

Job Searching

Hey everyone, just a short post asking specifically for prayer with my job search.

I've applied to tons of positions on craigslist, mostly office/personal assistant positions. I'm slowly starting to hear back. Please pray for discernment, and that I would get a job.

Also, I applied to work here http://www.collegeinternshipprogram.com/index.html as a relational/communications mentor. It is a program that works with students who have learning differences (such as Aspergers). I'd love to do it, but I don't know if it would be too much with interning as well.

Please pray. The real world has endless possibilities, and I want to be a faithful steward to the blessings God has given.

Thanks!

REVIVAL for So Cal!

This weekend I was on Catalina Island with the So Cal regional InterVarsity staff, and God had a word for us: REVIVAL.

People often toss around the word "revival." What does it mean? What does it look like?

"National Evangelist" (CRAZY title, right?!) York Moore came out to speak to us about revival—what it is, what it means, what it looks like. Grounded in numerous passages* about this amazing concept "revival," he ultimately summed it up as the moment that the veil separating us from God is torn; when the Kingdom of God enters into the world of mere men; when Christ’s second coming and the New Creation can be seen on the horizon as non-Christians come to faith and Christians are awakened to God's call; when God's DREAM becomes the desire of His people; when the injustice in this world is eradicated and old broken systems are forever transformed and made new; when we reach the end of ourselves and a tidal wave of faith, miracles, hope, healing, redemption, confession, and conversion occur.

Our regional staff, coming off a difficult year (or season), to say the least, were tired. As York spoke of revival, many felt resistant—not because one doesn't think it sounds good, but because hope means work, hope requires radical faith, hope and dreaming God's dreams requires sacrifice, suffering, losing control, and always a chance of disappointment. For people who selflessly, faithfully, and repeatedly extend beyond themselves to LOVE the campuses in Southern California, the desire for more is daunting, exhausting, and relentlessly deteriorating; one cannot even think to look to the horizon to see the sun when the clouds have been covering the sky all night long. Some staff have families—what does revival look like as a parent? Some staff are in the middle of spiritual “dark nights”—what does revival look like as one feels distant and alone, separate from God? And most (or all) staff are at the end of themselves—what does it mean to pray for revival when one has nothing more to offer?

During the last night of the conference, in a moment of challenge and call from our leaders, we were asked if we were open to revival: personal revival and corporate, regional, national, world-wide revival. Despite the cost—the sacrifice, suffering, loss of control, and chance for disappointment—our staff chose to be open to revival, open to God’s call, open to the work God would set before them! Despite the hard work they put in all year, despite their weariness and desire for rest, they counted the cost and gave themselves over to God’s will.

In the midst of a night of prayer and worship, I felt so overwhelmingly connected to my fellow staff. Their hearts ached for their campuses and for themselves—for the work God has in store for us, for our contexts and our world. As the Israelites cried out to God in the midst of their suffering in Egypt, and as God answered their cry through Moses, Aaron and Miriam, through miracles and bringing Himself to His people, so also God has heard the cry of our staff—from San Diego, Greater Los Angeles, and the “Surf and Turf” Region—and I believe, WE believe, revival is on its way.

But what does that mean? Nothing. I mean, nothing clear. There is no strategic plan to bring revival. There is no way to spark revival. There is only God’s timing and a room full of obedient ministers ready to go where God calls them. That is the beginning of revival. Are you ready for it?

Do you believe God wants revival in So Cal? On the west coast? In the United States? Around the world? Again, revival is a scary word—it brings up images of “those Christians” or thoughts of mass conversions with no place to go to be truly discipled in the faith, or mass ridicule because revival is now a no-no, counter cultural word. But I say revival does not belong to any sect, denomination, people group or nation. Revival should be counter-cultural, because REVIVAL is a GOD thing! Revival is God’s Kingdom (spoken of by Jesus, by Isaiah and the prophets, in Revelation 21) coming to our world for a time. God’s Kingdom on earth—in bits and pieces, clearly imperfect for it is not yet the end of days, but a piece none the less.

Do you want it? If so, be open to dreaming dreams, God-sized dreams (also known as God’s will!). If you can picture it, it isn’t big enough. If you have a strategy for how to get there, you aren’t open enough to what God desires.** I mean this as an encouragement!!! We serve the LORD ALMIGHTY, Maker of the heavens and earth, King of kings and Lord of lords, Savior of the world! What does He dream of? Wish for? Desire? From experience, it is ALWAYS bigger and better than even the wildest of my hopes. He is so good and so big, and I am so imperfect and small, yet He uses me, us, as vessels to do His work! Crazy!!!

While there is no strategy, there are key elements in revival, and they all come from faith 101: prayer, preaching a not-watered-down gospel, waiting on the LORD (actively anticipating), seeking the LORD (fasting? Solitude? Meditation on His word?), desire for justice, confession, repentance, and cultivating a LONGING for more of God.

God is central to revival. The truth is that we don’t seek revival. We seek God. As we seek Him, we begin to be more like Him. As we become more like Him, we start to desire what He desires—we start to dream God-sized dreams. And He, our Father in heaven, loves to give His children the desires of their hearts!***

*Some Biblical passages about revival (moments when God broke through.. which is sorta the whole Bible…): Exodus 4:29-31, 1 Samuel 7, 2 Chron 15, 1 Kings 18:36-39, Jonah 3:6-10, 2 Chron 29-31, 2 Chron 34-35, Ezra 3:10-13, Nehemiah 8:6, John the Baptist, the Gospels, Acts 8, Acts 11, a lot of other places in Acts).

**My own experience with this idea: I am ready, expectant and hopeful. However, I feel small and insignificant. As I find the LORD speaking to me of His dreams and great things, I fear that it is really just my own naïve desires. Please, please, pray against my insecurities. Let me, in humility, recognize the call God has put on my life to bring His Word, His Love, and thus His Kingdom, to this earth. God bless!

*** And what are some of the desires of the So Cal region’s hearts? Click on "THE BIG ONES" at the top of this page for a summary list!

A New Chapter!!

Brendan and I are engaged!!! <3 Thank you for your prayers and support! Continue to prayer for the development of our relationship over this year or so of engagement!

Now, to explain the change in this blog. Hopefully it will keep all of my family and friends in the loop on what I am doing as I intern with InterVarstiy Christian Fellowship at CSU Long Beach!

I'm excited for this next stage of my life, although it is sad to leave behind such amazing friends and Christian community. Before I get into the details, I must say to all of 3CIV: it has been a pleasure leading for you. I am not exaggerating when I say God taught me more through you than He possibly used me to do! Thank you for the opportunity. I continue to pray for a harvest at the Claremont Colleges. Simply because I am leaving does NOT mean that I stop partnering with my brothers and sisters in Claremont through prayer! <3 you!!!

Now for the new details: summer will be full of family, friends, and REST. Hopefully Brendan and I will be together wherever we end up going (pray for that!).

I start looking for a job near Long Beach. Prayer for finding one, and knowing what sort to look for (youth programs? Or a more "mindless" job? etc.)

We will start looking for apartments: one for me and Sam, one for Brendan and Daniel. (pray for God's provision!)

Otherwise, I'm off. Good bye Scripps college. Thank you for all the experiences I've had. I knew it was the right place from the start, that God has big plans, and even now I'm sure I don't know all of them!

What can be learned from a secular Jesus

I wonder if sometimes non-Christians can capture the complexity of Jesus better than I can. Reading a book that discusses the history of Christianity ("Lost Christianities") also shows the arguments amongst scholars about who Jesus really was. Was he a teacher, holy, revolutionary, social radical, magician*, feminist, a prophet?

Yes, they leave out "Son of God," which I believe to be foundational... yet look at this list. It is CRAZY. One 'man' is argued to be all of the above at various times depending who is making the argument. People go all over the place trying to explain who He really was. Yet, I find this list captures some of the things Jesus tried to show us. He came to upturn everything (revolutionary, social radical, feminist). He came to guide those who followed him to God (teacher, prophet). He was set apart (holy). And He performed amazing miracles (magician). The complexity of Jesus is one we ought to seek to understand. All He was, all He did; these things matter more than anything else in this world or the next. God came, God lived, God died for us. That is complex enough to understand... yet we must also ask WHY would God come? HOW did God live? WHY did He die for me?

And I think non-Christians offer interesting insights into HOW God lived. Scholarship has a lot on Jesus-- yes, some is irreverent and all of it saddens me to see that so few know how loving, how amazing He is. YET, there remains something worth understanding from this perspective: Jesus was meant for those who did not believe. He is meant to be seen and understood by all, whether they know Him as the Son of God or not. He came to all, that all might see. While some things may be misunderstood, that does not mean that non-Christian scholarship about Jesus should be avoided.

On the contrary, I find myself so amazed that He is still being debated about. He is still revealing the ways He came to turn the world upside down as scholars continue to see feminism and revolutionary in our LORD. He is still revealing how much He was set apart when they get confused by His actions, and must attempt the best rationalization at why He did what He did... to which it is revealed the simplest answer is the right one: LOVE ISNT RATIONAL. And He is Love. And He LOVED radically! And what He did, it must have been "magic" or some science, some secret no one knew. Either way, he is FASCINATING to scholars.

Am I this fascinated by Jesus on a daily basis?

And, am I fearful of non-Christian arguments? If so, why? Do I not trust that God will stand on His own two feet? Do I not think it is important for people to go through their own reasons? Do I not value what they have to say? Because I should, because I believe God does... He sees their arguments. He wants to know them through and through. I think, perhaps, He wants to know their arguments better than anything so that slowly and surely He can enter their lives and reveal just how much more complicated He is.


*magician was because of his miracles. While often knee-jerk react to this as saying He had God, can't they see that! I think the fact that they assign him as magician is more interesting: it means people believe that at least some of the miracles are true, and must now explain them. That is a GOOD thing. It means that Jesus, what He did, can't all be denied.

One Blessed Sheep

First, I was accepted as an IV intern!!! I will be waiting to hear about my potential schools for placement once Brendan hears from more (USC already accepted him! YAY!) and we discern where we will live next year.

Second, 101 party was amazing! Being around so many seniors reminded me of the connections I do have, reassured me that I am loved and love them, and made me even more excited about this last semester being all about PEOPLE! Woot!

And finally for today... I was reading through the leadership reflection questions... and I think every one brought me to tears. I know what you are thinking, "how sensitive, Bri. Awww." Or wondering, "why the HECK would that make you CRY?!" ... well, let me fill you in:

Christian community is new to me. I didn't have one outside of my AMAZING family until college. Then I jumped all in. Then God taught me to let go of the control I had on my life, and after freaking out, I faithfully followed Him. Then, I started leading. That was scary, and I felt so aware of my faults every moment, yet in awe of God's power. Now, as a second year leader looking onto ministry for the rest of my life... I can say this: I am so unworthy to be part of God's work, and SO BLESSED!

How have I touched so many lives? God's love. How have I influenced others? God's power. How have I changed people's lives? God's desire to step into our worlds and transform us (and knock our socks off!). 3CIV, my community, I love you more than you will ever know. I have given you my heart and my soul, and you have watched me mess up time and time again. Yet here I remain, a faithful servant on behalf of the Lord Jesus Christ. All I can say is a big Kenyan WOW! I mean, seriously, Jesus, you USED me?! WHY?! Man, YOU ARE CRAZY!

Let God use you. Throw caution to the wind. Lose control. Dive into deep waters. Bet your heart, mind, body and soul. It is well worth it.

God's Delight

Brendan and I gave a talk together tonight about God's love for us, specifically how He delights in us. It was amazing to prepare and do together.

What was most amazing though, at least for me, was how I felt God's delight in the midst of the talk. Part of me does not even care if people got anything out of it because just giving the talk was good for me! (Ok, all of me cares... hah. I guess I'm just trying to say is that even if no one got anything out of it, I know it was still a good thing! This is, of course, silly, cuz I know people got stuff out of it... so now I'm just rambling!)

God rocks! He loves me. He delights in me. He brags about me to angels (YES, angels!) He jumps up and down! I am His masterpiece and I should be hung up on the wall for all to see! I was specially created. He knows me inside and out. He is pleased in me. I am His. He rejoices over me with singing. He loves me with a no-matter-whatness that is hard to comprehend. Nothing separates me from His love. He chases after me when I try to get away from His love. He loves uncontrollably!

God is good.

Practical ways to remember God's delight:
1) Reflect on a few passages that have been helpful in the past (some for me are Psalm 23, 27, 28, or the story of the "Prodigal son" which is really the story of our AWESOME Father!)
2) Pick a worship song to sing in the morning while you get ready for your day, thinking about God's goodness.
3) Do something that you REALLY love (I generally recommend tactile activies, aka not tv): baking, hiking, drawing, play guitar, going on a walk, swimming, eating good food, etc. and as you ENJOY the activity, reflect on how God enjoys you so much!!! :)
4) Pray for God to SHOW you His love and delight.
5) Spend time with a close friend or family member and work on delighting in them. As you do so, pray that God would help you to see the way He delights in you!
6) Remember the amazing things God has done for you, how He provides for your needs, etc.
7) Go on a date with God. Seriously. Rent a movie, get a bottle of fancy Trader Joe's beverage, your favorite candies, and curl up in a blanket! Go on a picnic! Do something fun with God
8) Praise Him. Even if you don't feel like it... I promise, with time it helps to see the things you are saying as a reality.
9) Write out a helpful verse and put it on your mirror/ some place you will see it every day (Jeremiah 1:5 for example).
10) Since obviously there must be 10 things... pray with someone else to see/experience God's love. Check in every couple of days. Remind each other of God's goodness, ask to hear exciting stories. As you share, encourage the other person. As you listen, rejoice with them in the ways God is good :)

Just some thoughts, they work for me; at different times I need different things. God bless!

Faith's Testimony on Gender

Written by Faith, and all I can say is praise God, He is sooo good! Also, may He bless the IV men on staff who have brought a lot of healing to a lot of women I know :)

I grew up in a conservative Protestant environment where I embraced, without question, the truth that men were pastors and women were Sunday school teachers. The men taught and led the adults, and the women taught and led the children. My father was a leader in that church for as long as I can remember (not the one who preached on Sunday mornings, but the one who was trusted to handle all the money, and thus important in all matters of church business). My mom was a Sunday school teacher, usually mine. It wasn’t until we left that church and entered a different religious community that I had any context for questioning my upbringing. Naturally, the first thing I did at this new church was evaluate which things were the same as my old church,which were different, and whether I was okay with the differences. This was
the first time I had a real understanding of the reality that not all communities do church the same. Moreover, not all Christians do Christianity the same. Two big things really captured my attention at this new church. First, the head of the children’s ministry was, as expected, a woman, but she was given the title of Pastor in front of her name. Second, during certain sermon series, the pastor preaching would periodically invite his wife up to speak with him. Both of these things were very different from my first church. Women were never called pastors. And they never stood on the stage on a Sunday morning unless they were a part of the worship team.
Around these experiences I was also learning that few churches have women in preaching, teaching, leadership positions over the entire church. And I was being told church should function in this way because the Bible says this is the right way to do it. (I won’t cite the epic amounts of 1Timothy, other letters of Paul, and Genesis which were used as evidence.) I never wanted to be a pastor, so I let the question rest. It never bothered me that my father’s role in the church was different than my mother’s, or even that it was not acceptable for them to switch places, because in their marriage and our home life I watched them treat each other as equals. There was never anything about these differences which felt unequal to me. But as I got older, and more critically examined WHY women didn’t/couldn’t/weren’t allowed to preach to a congregation, I kept hearing this implicit
explanation that it was because they were unable to. And as a hard-working, intelligent woman, beginning life at a women’s college, that finally became impossible to stomach. I knew my mother was able to interpret scripture and regurgitate what God revealed to her in an eloquent, captivating way. She did to me almost every day; she could do it on a Sunday morning. And I knew also that, even though I still had no desire to pastor a church, I do had the ability to interpret scripture and teach what I had learned to others. So, I began to disregard the parts of the Bible which (as interpreted to me by male pastor figures) made women and their role in the Kingdom of God inferior. (My mom once cited Galatians 3 something to me about now there is no male nor female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus, and, while I liked the ideas in that verse, it was never strong enough to combat the plethora of evidence in the Bible seemingly preaching the inferiority of women). In
my eyes, women didn’t have to cover their heads or remain silent in church or refrain from braiding their hair or any of that nonsense because Paul was just a stupid outdated man, writing in a way that esteems him and his gender by demeaning women. The problem was that my throwing away of scripture I didn’t like kind of became a habit. But the more I did this, the harder it became to relate to God and to trust in the goodness and power of the rest of the Bible. WinCon 2011 was a transformational experience for me, but not in the area of sex, dating, or relationships. WinCon was transformational because, for the first time, I received teaching, from a wise MAN I already respected, on the Genesis story in a way which finally esteemed woman as man’s equal, and biblically explained gender clashes and oppression and struggles as part of the inevitable consequences of sin, rather than part of God’s original, perfect plan. It was literally life changing for me to hear
him point to Genesis (3:16?) on the board, recognize that it’s a place of confusion and misuse in the church, and differentiate between God’s punishment that child bearing and growing food will be painful from his declaration that the inevitable result of sinful people in a sinful world, is that women’s desire WILL (meaning in the future, only after sin, not in the beginning) be for her husband, but he WILL rule over her. And if anything, this verse reflects on some level the wisdom of the writer of Genesis to understand how sin perverts God’s original plan for relations
between men and women. Now, what Paul writes doesn’t bother me so much. I don’t understand it all, and I am cautious of it’s misuse, but I don’t throw it away because I have confidence that nothing Paul says can conflict with my image of a loving God who created man and women equal in his sight.

Seeing God in Everything

While I think TV, movies, media, etc. have a lot of negative things about them (sex, drugs and rock n roll? Well, I'm not certain about rock n roll. Then again, music IS a form of media, so I'm sure it has some issues too. Anyway...)

I also think that we can always pull things from media and "secular" art. Not because it is secular, but because it is human. And, as God made us in His image, and He is the great Creator, so also we have some of His creativity sturring in our bones and brains.

I just watched the critally acclaimed film the English Patient (including Best Picture 1996). Nothing like a Ralph Fiennes drama to put me in a contemplative mood. One quote stood out to me, "We are the real countries. Not boundaries drawn on maps with the names of powerful men." While the movie itself is R for various reasons (including three short but explicit scenes of nudity) it none the less contains in it gems of creativity--namely, it is wonderfully written, directed and acted. (It is about a Hungarian explorer who cares more about maps then men caught between the English and the Germans during WWII).

But, my point of all of this is how I see God in this quote. People talk of nationalism, the State, immigration, Patriarchy, etc. I think this simple quote points me back to the truth of all of these things: people, not countries or allegiences or powerful rulers, are what truly matter to God. Thus, though politics certainly has its place and discussions of these topics are definitely worth having... I am convicted to ask myself what am I doing day in and day out to express love to PEOPLE? Those living with me? Next door? Who I run into at stores and movie theaters, restaurants and walking Orion on the side walk?

The great commandment is to Love God... and to Love Others. It seems that these things matter far more than who is right or wrong about almost everything else.

DISCLAIMER: while I consider this a GOOD film, it is probably not the best movie. It was kind of a downer overall... but something about it made me think a lot, so I went with it and posted :)

Delighted :)

I've been thinking about this all day... so I thought I'd share.

The LORD delights in me. I sin. I'm messy. Broken. All around icky. I don't love enough, do enough, care enough, read my Bible enough, witness enough. I'm not always friendly, kind, compassionate, gracious, merciful, or gentle. I do not always love the poor and serve amongst my brothers and sisters.

The point: for all the teachings in the Bible that convict me daily, for all the ways I fall short of being like Jesus Christ, for all the sins (and it's a long list) in my life... I am loved by GRACE incarnate. We all talk about God's grace like it is miraculous. "I sin, and He loves me anyway!"

But grace is just that, loving those who do not deserve it. And it is the very framework of God's essence. Everything about Him is grace. So, I sin, and He loves me just the same... but here is the REAL kicker... God DELIGHTS in me. I sin, and He loves me sure. But shouldn't it be a disappointed "ugh, there she goes again" response? NO. Delighted. Straight up singing and dancing. Big ol' smile on His face. Twinkle in His eye. Warm feeling in His heart. He just can't fight the desire to run up to me and give me a hug. He wipes away my tears and tries to make me laugh. He laughs with me as I try to bake (and the chocolate chip oatmeal cookies turned out well too!). As silly shows like Scrubs and Friends make me laugh out loud, He smiles. When I play polo, He watches proud. When I delight in His creation, He delights in me.

Take a moment to let this sink in: GOD, Your LORD, delights in YOU. Yes, YOU! We are too quick to put our LORD in a disappointed-god-in-a-box. The truth: He loves more than we can understand... so maybe instead of sitting in self-loathing, self-pitying, guilty influenced perspective of God... we can get OVER OURSELVES and let the Love of Christ wash over us. So, go do fun things, delight in them, and realize how much God delights over you :D

For some verses, here:
Psalm 51, 147, 149; Proverbs 3:12; Job 1:8 (Jesus brags about you to FRIGGIN ANGELS!);