October Update

The past two weeks have been amazing, and challenging:

-I led Bible study about the friends bringing the paralytic to Jesus. We talked about what it would look like to have a "roof ripping faith" and how, as a community of believers, we can bring each other (and our non-Christian friends) before Jesus. Some students shared deeply about what has been going on while their fellows prayed over them. We also challenged one another to offer prayer to a non-Christian friend during the week. Another Bible study we talked about being community and being missional. The talk was short, because we then went out and brought donuts to the students in the dorms and offered to clean. Some people had really deep experiences of being used by God, and it was awesome! One student went to her acquaintance’s dorm. They were talked, and the girl revealed some personal things. They offered to pray for her, and the girl felt so blessed by it all. The IV student later said “I never knew God could use me like that.” AMEN!

-I was on campus studying with a student. She left, and I wanted to leave campus… I was feeling useless being on campus with no one to spend time with. God told me to stick around. I brought my book to a comfy study area and started reading. The guy I set by asked me about my book. This turned into a longer conversation, where I eventually talked about being a Christian and working with IV. He said “that is a weird book for a Christian to read.” And I was able to talk about the Christian author and the various themes of mercy, justice, love and redemption throughout the book. His friends joined him, and I left having a study spot to return to. I got to hang out with them about 4 more times over the few weeks. I even brought them cookies once, just to love them… they think I’m “cool”…which is awesome, but I want them to know that Jesus loves them. They know I work with IV and are open to hanging out with me, so I guess that’s a start 

-We’re starting a mini-series about community. We talked about Christian community being more than at Bible study or Soul Thirst. Sarah said people can DO things together—hang out, grab meals, STUDY together. Things I took for granted at 3CIV (it’s what you do!) are things that were once taught to students at the Claremont Colleges. Sarah and I have the privilege of forming a community that deeply loves Jesus and one another. It’s like being on the front lines; it’s avant-garde. It’s exciting and scary and challenging and exhausting and awesome. We talked about offering rides to one another, praying together, asking each other how we’re doing and REALLY listening. Another week Natalia came from PCC to talk about multi-ethnic community. She ROCKED it! She spoke vulnerably but honestly, and mostly emphasized how the church, and even IV, often acts like the topic of multi-ethnicity is scary. She kept saying “it’s supposed to be FUN!” We always act like prejudices must be broken by serious conversations. This is true and necessary… but prejudices also break in relationship, and relationships are FUN! She gave us a “race interview” to conduct at CSULB. The students are supposed to go to someone of a different ethnicity than their own and ask them a series of questions on a sheet (about how the students experiences race at CSULB, etc.) The hope is that through these conversations, the students learn 1)it doesn’t have to be scary, 2) how to talk to/approach someone different from them, 3) gospel is revealed through loving cross-culturally, and 4)the gospel can be explained and the person invited to get to know Jesus.

-All in all, there is a lot happening. Which brings me to how I’m doing:
Things are good, and I have many things to be thankful for—Sarah and I continue to grow as ministry partners (and friends!), students are sharing more openly about their lives and spirituality within community, students are beginning to be more missional, students are hanging out together, God is providing conversation opportunities for myself and others.

Things are also hard. I’ve been really tired. Sarah and I revised my schedule, so hopefully that will help.
-I’ve been feeling unable to go on campus, and really needing Bible Study Tuesday nights to get my butt in gear. I want to be excited, come Monday, to go to campus… but lately, it has been hard.
- I want loving students to make the transition from being super-intentional to reflexive. I think I’m being hard on myself here: it takes time, and real love isn’t led by “feeling” it but DOING it. Still, it would be nice to have the emotions to back up the actions.
-As God breaks my heart for so many people and so many aspects of campus and student life, I find myself feeling unable to address everything. I feel so limited, and even within those small limits, I feel maxed out. I desperately need to know where He is leading and simply follow, because I have no clue what I’m doing most days.
-I’m struggling with being very strategic. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I take life in stride, and live much more in the moment than I ever thought possible. I don’t plan what conversations need to happen very well in advance, I simply bring them up when I see they are necessary. I also don’t know everyone well enough yet to naturally think “I should talk to them about this…” which makes me feel insecure—why don’t I know them well enough yet? Will it ever “come naturally” or will it always require so much effort?
-I desperately want to feel significant. To this, God continues to challenge me: “Bri, if nothing happened this year except that you learned to trust Me and love Me more, would that be enough?” Right now… I often find myself answering “no…because that seems like a waste.” And God keeps saying “But it would be, because I love YOU and care for YOU.” … it’s so hard to be in this place of constantly thinking about students, strategically planning things, thinking of “next steps” for the 3 I am to invest in, and yet God keeps saying “you may not see fruit…but it is still worth it.” Ugh.

I have a deeper insight on this I will post in a separate blog, because this one is too long.