IV talks about intentional investing like it is the secret of life, the bread and butter. The Kingdom of God is built on it. Jesus wrote the book; it's important stuff! It's the thing to do. It's the best way to build relationships. You pick a few people and you pour into them (like your life... or THEIR life depended on it...)
Year One of Intentional Investment Training:
We find me, a sophomore Bri, trying to hide my insecurities as I faithfully meet people in my dorm. I'm scared and nervous and don't get very far passing out the welcome cookies (also foundational in the IV community!). I have a GIG (God Investigation Group). I don't spend a ton of time with any of them outside of the group, mostly cuz I don't know if we're "friends" or if I'm just Jesus-girl to them. So, I just see them weekly and try to do little things to encourage. Most of these nice things happen because I want to look like a "good leader"... so it doesn't get me far that first semester. Second semester, one of the girls becomes a Christian at Can This Wait conference on Catalina. While she gives me credit, I just thank Jesus for the chance to watch her transform and grow. I feel like He is taking me for a ride, and this whole "love" thing really is an investment.
Year Two: (Junior year)
I'm a small group leader for the first time. I am still infected with acute "good leader" disease; my insecurities, when it comes to loving the girls in my small group, are THROUGH THE ROOF! I think that no matter what happens, we're not going deep enough. We aren't vulnerable or genuine enough. We aren't close enough. We don't do enough missional things in the dorm. God gives me a wake up call when at the end of the first semester, all the members say we are a COMMUNITY, we are CLOSE, and they can say stuff here they can't talk about anywhere else. I've also been discipling one girl, and I feel like a total failure there too. This doesn't go away after the first semester. I continue to "lead" her, whatever that means... second semester, God doesn't just wake me up. He slams me against the wall with nothing but the brute force of His untameable love. I look at Him in awe. My SG still isn't "doing" enough together, but then I realize that they share in pairs and pray for each other and send each other out into the MISSION FIELD that is Scripps College (and the Claremont colleges). I'm blown away by all that they do: the service, the conversations with friends, their prayers, their hearts! By the end of second semester, God uses my "disciplee" (the girl I was mentoring) to show me how I can be used to affect another person's life. God uses people to love each other, to challenge and encourage one another. I see this more clearly, and God shows me that I can, in fact, be used by Him to do amazing things.
Year Three (senior year):
Less insecure overall (THANK THE LORD!) I feel ok in my own skin. God transforms my view on relationships (aka: I CAN TRUST NOW!). This is good, cuz God is done with the floaties. Before I've even gotten good at my strokes, He is throwing me in the deep end. I'm "leading leaders" and I don't know how to invest, or what it looks like. At first, I think it means checking in with everyone all the time. This lasts... oh, a week? It then changes to just being around the people I'm around. I feel like a lazy slacker. I'm not super "intentional," I'm not going out of my way. I just "be" around other people. I've yet to see what this has contributed to, though I faithfully love til the end (of my love, then I pray that God comes in and either refills me or takes over using someone else).
Then, something happens. I'm at home over winter break and I'm coaching the OG goalies and... I love these girls. I've known them less than a week (only two hours together over a few days thus far) and I love them. It makes no sense. It takes me by surprise. What is going on? I work them til their legs are jello and I'm dying. Then, the idea sparks--after practice, I should take the two goalies out for smoothies! We get smoothies and then go to the team pot luck. I'm laughing and joking with a bunch of high school girls like I belong.
I don't belong. I'm definitely an outsider. I'm sure some think it's weird I'm chilling with them, I'm not even a real coach or anything. But there I am, laughing and jokin. Getting to know them. I don't even realize it until most of them have left and I'm getting ready to leave:
Intentional investing has become genuine love.
Oh snap, GOD! I didn't even know it was HAPPENING?! You're ridiculous and sneaky. I feel a bit tricked. This used to feel like work. It used to require intentionally going out of my way to do stuff for other people. Left me feeling exhausted and tired. Now, I just have this high... sort of the feeling that LOVING people is what it's all about.
Yeah, that sounds profound... let's go with that: Loving people is what it is all about.
No comments:
Post a Comment